Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Black and White but Stuck In the Grey

When your on the outside looking in you see a lot of situations as black and white, and that was me. I thought I knew right from wrong and good justice and it seemed so simple before. Recently, it's not the case. I've found myself actually in the middle of those situations and I don't know what to do anymore. I've come to find out that it's actually more of a grey area than you would think.

Today I found out that Keaton broke up with my friend Phishie.

As a girl, I automatically feel the responsibility to side with her. To make sure she's okay and ostracize the guy. That's what seems like the right thing to do in the situation. That's what I always consented myself to do in the case of that situation. In the case of x-boyfriends, they are off limits and you don't easily forgive them for doing that to a dear friend.

I mean, they've been going out for almost a year now and he just suddenly broke it up... OVER TEXT! They go to different schools but they always see each other in the mornings now. It wasn't a necessity like it was for Adam and I, we lived in two different states. So obviously, that wasn't the right thing to do. Not to mention that it's almost Valentines but that also brings in the question what is the time period that you should avoid breaking up with someone because of Valentines?

The problem is however, Keaton considers me a friend and I him. He's funny and a dear friend to me in this class. But I've only known him to about a week so the bonds of friendship shouldn't be that deep already and easily broken off? Is completely breaking off my friendship with him really the right thing to do?

I really don't want to actually. But I also don't want him to just get off free from hurting a dear friend of mine either.

However, now I'm feeling the guilt because he's currently ignoring me due to the way I'm blaming him for things and listen to some angry music (which I can hear through his headphones). So that makes me feel bad for making him upset...

Can I really make him feel guilty for the way that he feels?

I mean, I did read the text and it was pretty nice considering but still, I feel the obligation as Phishie's friend to not excuse his behavior... because I'm not supposed to, right?

I feel really bad about making Keaton mad right now. Phishie doesn't even seem that upset, just shocked. She said on a scale of 1-10 she's a 7... but part of me feels like that can't be right, just because they dated for almost year.... If she's telling the truth, I guess I could be easier on him but what if she's lying?

I don't know what to do guys! Help!

Blah Blah Blah, write on!

Your Fav. Blogger,

Monday, January 26, 2015

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eaters

Now that I think about it though, why do cheaters get to eat pumpkin? I really like pumpkin pie....

Ok Kenster, get to the point, now is not the time to be distracted.

So anyways, in my A/V class we are supposed to be working on thumbnails for the graphic design team. After getting my paper I began doing MY work with MY ORIGINAL IDEAS and then the annoying puppy just copies my drawings.

-.- like, not even trying to hide it, he just bluntly admits he's just going to copy it.

...What the hell!

I mean, it's not like my idea are that awesome and whatever but still that's annoying. Yes Keaton, person who is currently reading what I'm typing, your being annoying.

I've always been paranoid about people copying my work and not only during tests and things. In group work, I'd often work ahead and I hated when people just started copying me. I also closely guard my poetry and written work for the paranoid thought that someone might steal it and publish it before me. I've always protected my work for fear someone might take credit for it. I mean, someone could just copy my poetry and say it's theirs and what proof would I have that it wasn't?

That scares the hell out of me. It's like my worst nightmare. If someone stole my work... I think my life would be over. I would never be able to get over it. I'd be so upset i'd go ballistic!

Blah blah blah, write on!

Your fav. Blogger,

Friday, January 23, 2015


My two friends that are currently laying around on me I have decided need proper introductions.

Firstly, Keaton.

The annoying little puppy that kidnaps my arm and lays on me. Also Phishie's boyfriend. He is also throughly convinced that the powered in my necklace is cocaine. (eye roll) It's just some substance that glows in the dark, geez!

Then Jennifer

Who also says "It could be cocaine". A short and adorable manga fanatic. She dreams of being a manga artist herself someday and omg I want to read that. She also looks very smart. Got that nerd look about her that's just awesome.

Keaton says that people are probably starring at us like "Look at those weird people over there" well, that'd be true. He's wrapped around my right arm, laying on it while Jennifer lays her head on her hands which are resting on his shoulder. However, I think what is going through our class mates minds right now is more like "That looks like some weird oragy" (<-- word I don't know how to spell ugg)

Jennifer says "It could be"

Guys, you should be concerned for me.

Also, we have decided that Keaton is my 'little brother'. Don't ask me how that happened. He claims he's addicted to cocaine but as the fact that I don't believe that, I won't confirm it since he's just talking out his ass.

Jennifer: Wouldn't that just be farting?
Keaton: Yeah, I'm not farting!
Me: (proceeds to laugh followed by a coughing fit)
Keaton: stop coughing... actually, next time that happens, cough on me... i wanna get sick.
Me: (thinking: You're an idiot)

They are both currently wrapped around my like ivy and claiming that's a hug. Not that I mind but... it's weird. and inhibits my ability to write.

Apparently I shouldn't have said that because now he'll never let go -.-

Well guys, I'm pretty sure you stopped reading a thousand words ago so let's end this post here, lol.  Wish me luck on getting out of this hug hold predicament!

Hug you later, write on!

Your fav. Blogger,

Ps: Now you guys know the everyday crazies that I deal with.

The Backstory

The backstory of my first romance as requested by the annoying puppy on my arm. (Keaton)

(sigh) Alright, here goes.

So I went on a cruise this summer. The only thing for a teen to do on a cruise is to spend all day in the Teen club with the other teens, running around the ship till 2 am in the morning of course, lol. In said club I met this guy named Adam. I kid you not the first thing I thought when I saw him was "Wow, he's kinda cute... scratch that, he's hot" Hahaha, thanks hormones. Anyways, low and behold he already had a cruise ship girlfriend. (So how the hell did you end up with him? You ask, well I'll tell you) This girl was named Bailey. Now er... well, to tell you the truth Bailey ended up being a capitol bitch heartbreaker. But before this ugly side of her came out, our group was having a problem. See, Bailey's dad had seen Adam trying to hug Bailey, didn't even know they were going out yet, and immediately would not let him near her. For some reason the guy hated him. Now that would be all well and dandy except for the fact that the group of us, (Adam, Bailey, Andrew, Jade, Isaiah and I) had decided to go to the hypnotist show... where Bailey's parents were too. So low and behold we decided that Adam needed to have a fake girlfriend for the night while in the presence of her parents....

Wanna take a guess who got drafted for the job?


Yep, my first boyfriend was my fake boyfriend first....

So we were playing the part of the couple canoodling in the corner and whatever and I was thinking Adam was REALLY selling it. I mean, i didn't think the amount of cuddling was necessary but he was doing it anyways. Well, I already liked the guy and it was just acting so I thought "What the hell, might as well" So I went all out too.

We got back to the club and Bailey was jealous. And mad. Very mad. Not at me, but at Adam. Now, honestly, IT WAS HER IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE! I mean... was it really necessary? All they had to do was NOT sit together. And in revenge, she started getting all lovely with Andrew during the show to show us up. She knew he was only acting so I'm not sure what her problem was.

Anways, they got back together... sorta. At the end of the day though we were joking about "Bandrew" and the other ways that she was being a player. Safe to say by the end of night they were over even if she didn't know it yet...

So the night ended with a stroll to the front of the cruise ship where Adam and I shared a romantic kiss underneath the stars that night.

I did feel guilty about how it happened but not very much after how she blew up afterwords. She kissed a guy... then went across the room and kissed a girl who actually had feeling for her... while they were both in the same room and watching... and asked Andrew to be her fake bae to make Adam jealous............

These are the moment in life where I go... "Wth?"

Well, after we parted from the cruise ship our relationship continued via text for two months. We shared a few phone calls but he has anxiety over the phone so I understood. However, also near his birthday, we were emailing when he admits THERE IS A BOMB THREAT AT HIS SCHOOL!!! I almost had a heart attack. Welcoming a distraction, I sent him a story I had written for his birthday along with a picture I had drawn to go with it. We found out we had alot in common. In almost every  restaurant I could name we would get the exact same thing with only one difference. It was pretty cool.

In the end, he couldn't get over his life long crush on his best friend and we broke up. I will admit I cried my heart out but after a day of moping around, I felt better and was able to come to terms with it.

My only wish now is that he'll finally go after her and they will be happy together! :D

So, that's the basics for now. I could go in tons of detail but eh. Whateves. I'm over it and dwelling on it won't change anything. Plus, those insignificant details don't make a difference either.

Bye for now, write on!

Your fav. Blogger,

ps: Jennifer (another girl in my class) and Keaton and thoroughly convinced I need cheering up and are proceeding to make my cheeks smile, lay on me, and draw on my hands. No, I don't have an explanation for their craziness either. I'll tell you when I find one.

New Experinces

Again, I have failed to update and keep up with my blog. I hope, since I am attending a class that requires my presence on a computer daily, that it may help with my consistency. If I was more professional, I might clean up the crap posts I've done long ago but I guess that adds to my character to keep them. It's sort of funny to look back and see the idiot child I once was so for now, I guess they're there to stay. 

This semester, I'm in a class to learn more about A/V production and as this correlates to the job I wish to have in the future, I'm very excited. Maybe it's a bit late to be making New Year resolutions but I want to get back into my writing. And so, maybe if I start blogging more I'll also focus a little more on writing chapters for my books. Seriously, Kenster, get to work! Lol. 

Currently, Phishies's (one of my friends) boyfriend is laying on my arm... completely taken it hostage people. -.- ..... yeah I don't have an explanation either. I knew wearing my fluffy sweater was a mistake and yet I did it anyways. -.- This is future Kenster speaking, DON'T WEAR THE SWEATER! (as past Kenster continues to ignore my cries and that is why I continue to be a pillow)

I'm excited to announce that I have a new friend that is very precious to me for she is my Best Friend. However, it's difficult. Finally having a genuine connection to some one can be troubling because I try and I fail and I blunder and then I feel really bad about it. But I'm trying. I'm really trying to be the best friend I can be and although I suck at it, I just hope I get better.  Hopefully, we'll be a good influence on each other. I treasure her friendship and envy her strength and I swear to be her support through thick and thin. Maybe that's what friendship truly is.

It's hard because she's broken. Yet that makes it so much more rewarding. I'm broken too, and I want to help her. Helping someone like me helps me. Hopefully, it's mutually benefitting for the both of us. Connecting with her is easier because I understand and I see that dark side in her that I thought I faced alone. At the same time, having to face that in someone else and seeing that from the outside, helps me come to peace with my own demonds inside myself.

I hope someday I can make her fully understand how much I treasure her strength and how much I envy her strength.

On another note, it's also sort of weird because I've found myself in a very weird situation. Said friend is related to a celebrity.... and now I've someone how become said celebrity's pen pal... Yeah, I'm not sure how it happened either. I mean, it would be okay, if it weren't for the fact I've recently come to admire said person's work. 

However, the awkwardness I feel is not mutual. Apparently, I'm just weird and awkward. Which is true but... I don't know, it's weird. Anyways, the Star-struck thing is completely new to me too. I've never been a fan of celebrities. Like wise, don't tell my friend, lets just keep this between me and all the random people that view this page... (aka the entire internet lol)

Speaking of new experiences, a few months ago I had my first experience with affairs of the heart. Including a first kiss, happiness and a broken heart. In the end though, I think I've become a better person out of it. Considering it was long distance relationship, I think it went pretty well... considering it was also my first relationship. So... go Kenster! ...I guess? haha. He was awesome but in the end I couldn't compete with the girl he's had a crush on his entire life. Which, I understand. It still hurt, but did understand. I made him promise however that in exchange for breaking my heart, he has to fully go after her and if they aren't dating soon, I will find him, and I will stab him with a fork ^.^ we're still friends and I totally ship them.

Keaton, (said boyfriend of Phishie) is bothering me about the whole backstory of this relationship I am currently typing about. So I may be tempted to write it...

But not on this post. :)

Later guys, write on!

Your fav. Blogger,